Wednesday, April 22, 2009

One Lyf.....

All these started with a small, less than an A4 size certificate that I won for a handwritin competition in class II. My parents were beaming with pride and my neighbours poured their affection on me by kissin me n huggin me. The certificate was neatly framed n beautifully hung up on the wall of my hall! The episode began... I started to write more neatly, to please my teacher... I started to win more credits, to please my parents... I started to love more passionately, to please my brother... I started to learn cookin, to please my mom... I stopped goin out wit ma friends, to please my dad's principles... I started to learn n say yes when i actually wanted to shout 'NO', to please my friends... I started to smile fakely, to please few of my(most hated) relatives... I started to compromise, to please relationships... I started to be more adamant, to please my ego... I started to be calm though i wanted to rage with anger, to please my image... I started to be formal even in confined family functions, to please my so-called future family(which my mom strongly believes could be any of my relatives' relative)... I started to ignore the presence of a lizard in the room, though m mortally scared inside to even sense their presence somewhere in the vicinity, to please the maturity of my age... I started to restrict myself to a simple smile when i actually wanted to jump, rejoice n celebrate somethin, to please my femininity... I started to learn things that i dislike the most in the world, to please my profile... I started to blow my own trumpet, to please the interviewers... N on N on N on...
So, here I am with determination at its full swing to draw a climax to this episode, letting go of my responsibilites, layin on the bed spendin lazy afternoons semiconsciously n subconsciously... though my cerebellum drenches my nerves with a sense of guilt n excavation without my knowledege ....ended up... pleasin my oneself.... shackled by the vicious cycle....

Though these are jus external factors, deep inside me n my heart, m still d raw, naive class II gal, who gets frightened by a heavy thunder & lightning and wants to catch her dad's arm sensing the ultimate feeling of security, who waves bye to ppl around, sittin on the petrol tank of her dad's bike waitin for the signal to turn green, who watches n admires every single thing on the street n describes all her fantasies to her mom, who still sucks her thumb while sleepin, who kisses her mom's soft cheeks with the cold, her own saliva soaked lips, who rolls on the floor n cries to get what she wants, who merrily sings n shouts on the road, least bothered about ppl around, who sobs n crawls on all fours outside the school gate, reluctant to get inside, who wishes herself first on her own birthday, who sleeps everynight effortlessly, who wants to grow up soon to become like her mom, who wants to use Aladdin's lamp atleast for one night to get all the chocolates n ice creams in the world, who feels sad that she alone was uninvited for her parents' wedding, who undoubtedly felt that she is always surrounded by her favourite ppl, who grabs the attention of the entire family, who misunderstood that school was d only hell on earth n college would be better................................ Leave alone a microscope, I am really cynical about even the efficiency of a nanoscope in helpin me find the original ME in me.... How i wish i could relive my past... live it on my own terms.... Gosh.... 20 winters crossed......... Its getting hard to sink in me... i but JUS HAVE ONE LYF TO LIVE!!!!

(Not that i intended to please ppl, jus wanted to voice the general feeling about life today!!!!)

I dedicate this first blog of mine to d most adorable brother on earth achchu, to my parents who encourage me in every step of my life n to my cute little best friend Amulya who has always boosted my spirits n ignited d spark in me to write one!!!! thank u dears!!!!


  1. This whole pleasing business starts because everyone has a very clear idea about how all the others should be and none about himself/herself. If we find acceptance by pretence...thats not acceptance at all coz' its not the real "us" who's being accepted. So no point trying anyway. I'll stop my bakwaas here ;-)
    Good start girl! Be as you are....!

  2. Heyyy! I'm the second to comment!! So glad that ur first post is on a topic that i've been thinking abt for the past few days. Actually for years now , but then these are thoughts that never seem to vanish and keep coming up all the time. You are sooo right!! We all had our share of dreams-- but we end up pleasing every human being possible-- not that I did, but at least tried to and it ended up being just another of my lame attempts :D
    Those Childhood days-- most memorable. The world was so new to us & our world pretty much dint extend beyond Toys, School, Mom and Dad always there to protect us, in ur case ur sweet brother and that pure dream world in which our heads lingered for hours together esp. during history/geography classes :D

    We had our share of dreams, they might be silly but still dreams are dreams and all we knew then was that they were sure to come true--like u mentioned, Alladin's Lamp and Genie to our rescue :P :D

    But thats life--Ultimately all those lofty ideals and dreams you started out with just fly out of the window, as you are caught up in time, the always existent paranoia around you and those endless attempts to please society on the whole.

    I've also had my share of running around and covering myself with mud and scraping my knees and palms during games and a sound share of blasphemy from mom and a good dosage of tetanus for the same. And still those were the best days of our lives!! I also Wish to relive those moments, so lets hunt for Alladin's Lamp soon :)
    WELL WRITTEN!!!!!!
    Keep writing, I'm soo happy u took my bribing you into writing a blog seriously :D Keep up the good work!! lots of talent in you girl!!!
    P.S : You seriously felt upset at not being invited to ur parent's wedding?!! LOL!! damn cute!!
    That was the longesttt comment i ever wrote :D :P

  3. hmmm.... so many days u ve kept these inside ur heart.....
    our world is a stage v r acting in it, but sumtimes v do overact... v shld never change oursrlves... but wtever u ve said is true...... these r the things v do to survive in tis world..
    got a guy in ur family itself huh???

  4. I always admire ur english and u hav expressed ur thoughts really well in dis."IF U START PLEASING EVRYONE U'LL END UP
    PLEASING NO ONE"dats true na .very well said.hey its really gud..u touched my heart.its all wat each one feels.even i thought of it but u made a point 2 write it.i think of not pleasin any one but d world around makes me to do it.wat to do.but i shld stop pleasin and start bein inspired by ur writin..WELL SAID!!!!!:):)

  5. Im sure that, One who reads this sensible stuff will definitely find their presence in it! VERY NICE ONE!!! next?

  6. really really good did prove your writing skills...leaving all that really makes me to recall my childhood is true..people do pretend....but just one life...we gotta live it for I always feel.."SELF BEFORE SERVICE"....anyways...keep this work going...all the very best for all ya future works...!!!

  7. so lovely and lively da.recall my childhood over the fuel tank of my dad's tears in my eyes.hope u got more tears than me.really those days r just went lik a drop in a ocean.canteven remember clearly.searching is always flowing over our bloods.
    alway the point is i nver expect u write so well.ur language s great.keep on writing.atleast a page a day.try to write some fairytales.hope it is very easy to u dear.
    thank u god fr giving a gr8 frnd to me.
    u rock jaggu...
    all the best...
    still my eyes r wet dear...

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  9. hi de.... couldn't have asked for a better take off :-)

  10. Absolutely heartfelt.. Poignant almost to the point of heartbreaking.. A blend of sparkling innocence and mature insights... Love it !!

    Growing up happens in a heartbeat.. Sucks doesnt it.. :)

  11. Simply superb and I am just in awe of your writing prowess. Do keep up the good work. Expecting more posts from you.

  12. Hey Jags... lovely start ya... "IF U START PLEASING EVRYONE U'LL END UP
    PLEASING NO ONE"... how true..... this is what v have been doing all these days in col.....

  13. Hey Jaggu Bhaaai =)
    really sorry it took me such a long time to check out ur blog!! whatever u've written is so sooo true..and d way u've said it wuz really beautiful..i like d way u've potrayed d little instances we all wud have definately experienced during our childhood..they jus bought back some lovely memories dat were buried deep under d lovely memories of our college life..
    I really miss being a child..we were so carefree n had no worries what-so-ever..any prob we had,we would jus go to our mommy's or daddy's n they wud take care of it for us..n we'll be happy again.. But just look at ourselves now..we have to be careful for each n every move we make..we should weigh our words before lashin them out..we should think of various aspects before consenting anythin.. all this never happened wen we were kids..we jus had d time of our lives back then =)
    Wish we could really rewind n relive the past,as u said..would anyday trade my present for my past..
    Jaggu, u've done a beautiful job in ur first post..n lemme remind u..ur stil a baby..filled wid innocence n glee.. =)
    Keep writing! =)

  14. kudos 2 u...beautifully written..the flow of ur thoughts were so smooth..could relate to it...I guess the joys of the past always feel great when relived in the memories..keep it coming